Monday, November 10, 2008

What can I say...

Day 10. I couldn't sleep at all last night. I don't know if it was the guilt, the food, or the wine. I broke and not a crack, I shattered. I hate having to write this right now, really, I have been dreading this since the euphoria of the spinach pie wore off.

It was my friends 30th birthday party, not just any friend, one of my oldest and closest. Just for a minute will you conjure up how you get/feel/behave when with some of your oldest girl or guy friends? Giddy, silly, goofy, hungry, thirsty, haha. She has a big Italian family and the food! Admittedly I had non-verbally decided earlier I was going to eat something, I didn't prepare for the day the way I had for every other social event I had attended this week. I didn't make enough lemonade, I had my period so I was doing some early justifying and I wanted to have fun with my friends.

Anyway lets just get down to the dirty details. It started with some cucumber slices, celery sticks, and carrots. Then some salad, no dressing. The chewing felt good, but with the eggplant parmesan, pasta, spinach rolls, crackers and cheese, vegetable casserole, and a few other dishes covered in tomato sauce, the vegetable sticks were not satisfying me. Then some fruit salad. Then Heather was eating a spinach roll (possibly at my request) and I took a bite. I chewed the first bite for a long time, tasting the bread, the spinach, the oils, the cheese and then I had more (there was one spinach roll left at the end of the party, I just remembered it's in my purse). I wish it had stopped there. At this point I started showing off. I poured myself a glass of wine. The wine went right to my head and I was laughing at everything. That was fun, I can't remember the last time a few sips of wine made me so silly. After the wine came "frozen yogurt" cake, I shared a piece with Heather and we were both vying for the crumbly chocolate crusty part. There are pictures of all of it, not sure I'm ready to post those. So right now were at salad, spinach pie, and cake...hardly reintroducing food the way I thought it would be done.

After the party we all wanted to keep hanging out, it was early and we were in the suburbs so our options were very limited. We ended up at Chili's. Can I stop now? There I proceeded to have 2 more glasses of wine, chips and salsa (alot) and then the penultimate about 7-10 french fries. This was not at all what I had in mind. I have to admit that telling people about it is the worst part. My stomach doesn't even hurt, how bizarre is that? I understand why telling people is the hardest aspect of all of this..because I had good time. I was with my friends who I never get to see, and the food was only showcased last night because every bite I took was a field day, otherwise it was secondary. Apart from how I may feel today physically, I'm cool with it.

My plan now is to juice cleanse for today and tomorrow. I feel extremely dehydrated. Juicing for the next 2 days will be easy compared to the last 9 days. I will share my juice recipes with you for anyone who wants to juice along. It was really when I let my mental guard down that I couldn't resist any longer. This entire process has been a mental challenge and cleanse so much more than a physical (or perhaps equally). For anyone who wants to give it a whirl, give yourself time to prepare mentally. Mark it on your calendar, look at your calendar regularly, and just know that when that day comes...its on.

(Pictures of me with spinach pie to follow)


Kristen Butterfield said...

HI Persephone! I've been reading your journal and have been enjoying your insights, your strength, and mostly, your willingness to understand your clients - how people relate to food, how food can be such an integral part of life, etc. I'm feeling bad reading your post today, not because you had some wonderful food with wonderful friends, but because of such guilt you seem to feel! That is a HUGE part of the relationship with food in America.. how guilty we all feel when we "fall off the wagon" of a diet, etc. Our relationship with food is so complicated, and guilt is a huge sabatoger.. "I had a piece of cake, so I might as well have some french fries too.." I find that you need to just not dwell on it, and move on - which it sounds like you did. You did great for 9 days, celebrate that!! I'm sure in these past 10 days you have gained some amazing insight that will help you as you continue your journey with health counseling! Great job!! (By the way, my sister has been doing a juice cleanse/fast about twice a year for the last 8 years or so.. I can pass on her recipes if you'd like!)

YES Gallery + Studio said...

Hilarious final post! Good for you, P. It's all about being conscious, which you were - french fries and all. What an accomplishment. SO great to see you Friday. Wish I were not so crazed so we could hang more. Thank you for supporting me and the gallery! xo

persephone said...

Thanks Leigh and Kristen!! I'm syched to be honest. I had my juice today and now have decided to have some rice and veggies tonight. I'm hungry man. And I've been so cold...buuurrrr. Thanks for the support, I would like to keep blogging, so we'll just see where this goes!

Kristen-I hear ya! I let go of the guilt, it was more the guilt I felt telling people, like I failed or something. But i'm celebrating (just without so much food and wine tonight) Thinking I'd like to do juice cleanse in the spring as well. Maybe we could do it together?

Leigh-great to see you too! What a great space, and I loved the show. Look forward to our ladies week in January, keep me posted.

Bethany said...

No worries. I think you did fantastic and it's great that you had such fun with your friends.